I will never forget the day I was at Sunday mass, when a well meaning dad, pulled out a very large plastic bag from the Dollar Store. In it, he had a big new toy for his little son Johnny. Something to keep him entertained at mass. I can still remember how awkward it was seeing that big that green logo come out from behind the kneeler, interrupting my attempts to pray.
Some parishioners were of course stunned watching the big garish neon plastic toy for little Johnny. Since the toy was brand new, of course it had to be opened, unwrapped, right in the middle of mass. I was mortified.
I fought all my motherly instincts to go over to that man and give him a good motherly scolding! I really wanted to give the dad a good tug to his ears, pulling him out of the church and say…
“What are you teaching your child? Do you want teach little Johnny, that no matter what is going on around him, he is entitled to be entertained to have fun?”
With the Sacraments of First Holy Communion and Confirmation upon us, most parishes are seeing an influx of visitors to mass. I think most people would agree that the experience is both joyful, but at times extremely frustrating for two specific reasons.
First, as a parish community we are all wondering, will we ever see these kids and their families at mass again? Secondly, it often becomes abundantly clear that many people just don’t know how to behave at mass. As a society in general, we have seen a loss of decorum and civility in behaviour.
Not to long ago, the entire world watched the Royal Wedding. Part of the fascination with the Royal family, is that it represents era of dignity and civility, wherein a modicum of civil of behaviour is not only expected but demanded.
My father in law often takes me to the Toronto Symphony perform at Massey Hall. I am inspired by the pages at the back of the program that outline clearly defined standards of behaviour for folks attending the symphony. Sections under several categories define the expected etiquette and courtesy to be extended to others at the symphony.
Why can’t we do the same for mass?
I am thinking of publishing a booklet and a poster to distribute to parishes. It would read something like this:
Mass Etiquette:
How to behave during a Catholic Mass
Remember you have entered into the house of God for the purpose of prayer, adoration, reflection, or to celebrate a sacrament. Now is not the time to talk to your friends, but to talk to God. Please do not bring in any cups of coffee!
In order to help you enter into a sacred space we ask you to remember,
1. Turn off cell phones. Do not text messages or check your Facebook account from the pews or the back of the church. Leave your social media devices in the car. It’s time to focus on God. It’s distracting for others who are trying to pray. If you are waiting for an important phone call, consider going to mass at another time. Cameras, likewise should be left in the car, unless you are coming for a tour of the church and you have checked with the tour guide.
2. Do not chew gum during mass or put it in your side cheek, to chew on it later. Spit it out before entering into a church. Did you know that you are supposed to be prayerfully fasting for an hour before mass? There is a possibility that if you keep the gum in your mouth and resume chewing after receiving the Eucharist, you may unintentionally spit out a bit of the body of Jesus. That would be sacrilegious.
3. Dress with dignity for Mass. It seems that many women, many girls in this day and age have a need to always have a ‘sexy’ look. Mass is not a cocktail party. Mass is not a hockey arena. Come dressed with decorum, an aura of dignity. Consider teaching your children the different types of dress are important for different occasions. For everything there is a time. Please remember to dress modestly and ensure sure your daughters do too-, bare shoulders and visible bra straps are not a good idea. They are highly distracting..
4. Do not bring children’s activity bags, granola bars, cheerio’s, juice boxes, water bottles, toys including a child’s DS, play station, game boy, iPod touch or similar types of amusements to church. Mass is only one hour long. Children would grow in virtue if their parents expected them to detach from these things for at least an hour a week. For little toddlers there are beautiful is a series of little Catholic books put out by Father Lovasik. There are plastic rosaries or books about saints. Immerse your children in spiritual treasures during mass.
5. Parents have a duty give their children ongoing, on the job training, all the time. That includes the obligation to train their children in the appropriate times to kneel, sit, stand and face the altar If children are engaged in playing with toys, eating, and drinking, they are surely not being taught about the fact that Jesus is really up there on the altar, significance of prayer, self control, and the importance of participating in the mass. Parents themselves get distracted with managing the dispensing of food and toys. On top of that it is a distraction to others in the pews who are hungry themselves, or who are trying to fully participate in mass.
6. Do not drink bottled water in a house of worship. If an adult, for some reason needs to drink water to take some medication, please leave the church premises or at least the mass and drink the water, if you must outside the celebration of the Eucharist.
7. If you are late for mass, please do not walk down the aisles looking for a seat until it’s appropriate. You are disrupting others. The Toronto Symphony does not allow late comers to waltz in at ‘whatever’ time. Church ushers should be trained to enforce this. Please do not leave mass before it ends. You will be missing the supernatural graces of the final blessing. Besides it’s a bad example for your kids
8. Do not be an observer of the mass, but a participator. Don’t ask yourself, ‘What is this mass doing for me?” Instead, ask yourself, ‘What can I do to participate in the mass more fully?” Make an effort to listen, follow the readings, the homily, read scripture passages before mass, learn the prayers of the mass, follow along in the misslette and sing! You will become an outstanding role model for your kids.
9. Do not have conversations during the mass. You would never have a conversation, during a performance of the symphony. If you did, you would be asked to correct your behaviour or leave. Quite simply it’s rude.
10. It might be useful to ask ourselves, Who am I? Why am I here? The answers: To know God, to love him and serve Him especially at Mass!
"When you are before the altar where Christ reposes, you ought no longer to think that you are amongst men, but believe that there are troops of angels and archangels standing by you, and trembling with respect before the sovereign Master of Heaven and earth. Therefore, when you are in church, be there in silence, fear and veneration."
St.John Chrysostom
We think nothing of dress codes for those visiting people in jail!
http://www.bop.gov/inmate_locator/procedures.jsp
We do we balk at the thought of a dress code in Church?
A little levity...
"When you are before the altar where Christ reposes, you ought no longer to think that you are amongst men, but believe that there are troops of angels and archangels standing by you, and trembling with respect before the sovereign Master of Heaven and earth. Therefore, when you are in church, be there in silence, fear and veneration."
St.John Chrysostom
We think nothing of dress codes for those visiting people in jail!
http://www.bop.gov/inmate_locator/procedures.jsp
We do we balk at the thought of a dress code in Church?
A little levity...
42 comments:
Thank you for posting this. My heart sank a couple of years ago when a young Mom brought in her Toddler, AND a McDonalds Happy Meal for him. You really feel that on one hand, it's wonderful that they've come to mass, but hope parents will realize that the food and toy bags are a terrible distraction and completely take away the beautiful opportunity to give your child the full experience of the mass.
Thank you very much for taking the time to comment... Of course we are thrilled with each and every person that comes to mass... we rejoice! But I do think it's a big mistake not to EXPECT a standard of behaviour at a religious service. Just as there are standards of behaviour for driving a car, movie attendance, riding a bike, eating dinner... There are standards of behaviour for going to mass! I was a bit nervous posting this, because I knew there might be people all over me... but it just came to a point where I thought... "Out of sheer RESPECT for Christ and others that are trying to pray, we ought to teach our children the basics!" Thank you for receiving this in the spirit it was intended! It means a lot. I often get misunderstood. Please feel free to pass it on to your parish priest! It might console him.
Beautifully written, Dorothy. It would be a wonderful thing to include instructions in the Bulletin or something. Everyone always assumes that people should just "know" this stuff, without it ever (or rarely) being taught. And in this day and age - when we are so quick to rationalize away our bad tendencies and poor behaviour - a little instruction or guidance could really go a long way. Great post!
Thank you AGAIN.... I often wonder if anyone even reads my posts... so it is heavenly to get just a little bit of encouragement. I have often thought the same thing.... These poor souls just don't know !!!! How blessed I am to have a mother who taught me these things! She's turning 85 this Saturday.. The older I get... the smarter she becomes !!!! Thanks AGAIN for taking the time. Please do consider sharing it with your friends! ;)
Just found your blog. I like your post about good behaviour at Mass. With 5 kids including a busy, loud and distracting 1 year old, Mass is a challenge, but we haven't given up yet. I find myself trying to find new and inventive "holy" (and quiet!) toys to try and keep my 1 year old subdued-and not distracting the other 4...when all else fails, we go out to the foyer or 'crying room'...although it has it's own challenges. =)
Just read your profile...I have also been on Salt and Light, (only twice!)...maybe you could check out our Catholic family apostolate at ArmaDei.com or my Equipping Catholic Families blog!
Nice to find you!
Hi Monica! My daughter's name is Monica... so you are close to my heart already! I just LIKED your page on FB and visited your website. You can find out a little more about me at http://www.dorothypilarski.com/catholic_register_articles_en_266cms.htm Where are you based out of?
Hi Dorothy, I love your article. As parents, we need to be better role models for our children in every avenue, including at mass. At times, I despair when I see other children being allowed to run up and down the aisle or up to the altar, which is distracting to the congregation. But I am not sure what's worse, children running up and down like it's a playground or parents chasing after their children which causes even more distraction.
Charmaine! Thank you so very very VERY much for taking the time to read my blog entry... and thank you very much for taking the time to comment! Some situations at mass are difficult to navigate... It was my hope just to get get folks thinking about it! Thanks again! It means a lot that you read it !!! Dorothy
I love this! Please let it be read all over this country's Catholic churches.
In the vain attempt to be inclusive I think we let all sorts of unhelpful things into our churches. "Why are we here" exactly.
Can I copy this to our liturgy people and /or priest?
you'd be shocked at the state of a lot of churches here in this city of CDO in the Philippines: trash, candy wrappings, spilled soft drinks from soft plastic etc etc
Amen! Amen! My pet peeve is the old people who should know better carrying on conversations, and the people in spaghetti straps or even tube tops! I have to admit that I have been guilty of bringing a Tootsie Roll Pop with me to Mass for my kids when they were two, or one small toy. Really, it was survival because my husband does not go to Mass.
Thank you for taking the time to visit my blog, read my post and THANK YOU for commenting! I really appreciate it! My son is being confirmed tommorow, so we went to confession just before the 5pm mass... I just couldn't believe what I saw as we were leaving with the folks coming in... mini skirts???? Why are the moms of these girls claiming their authority.... Oh, it's because they are wearing mini's too!
Do you recommend all young families sit at the back of the church? Or do you suggest sitting closer to the front so that the parents can try to instruct their young children as to what is happening? Perhaps it might not be as discreet as you may like, but isn't that instruction necessary from a young age?
I more than welcome children sitting in church where ever their parents think it's best... If parents are making a sincere heartfelt attempt to oversee and instruct their children, not feed them and give them a variety of toys to play with, I am good.
Love the idea of a pamphlet of guidelines. I've brought 4 up going to Mass - and they know how to behave. All of them were told ahead of time that THIS is not the place to "act up".
Then you have parents bringing in bags of toys. Too many parents today "give in" without even making an attempt to control their children. My opinion is that it is so much easier to just "give in" than it is to "hold the line".
I've always sat close to the front so that I can whisper some explanations to my little ones. Just yesterday my youngest boy ( 7 ) asked if we could sit closer because a big family came in and he couldn't see.
Paul, I think you have hit the nail on the head, bang on! It appears that many parents are oblivious to their children's behaviour during mass, that's what I object to. Having an engaged relationship, during your best to make sure children are kneeling, not talking to one and other... Telling the young ones to "Shhhhh..."; having them dress appropriately etc. Too many parents have relenquished their authority... What your son said was just BEAUTIFUL. Our children's sincere little hearts know a good thing when they see it, hear it and LEARN it. Those little whispers were a big part of my life too! I remember my mom telling me to prepare because Jesus was coming to visit me. He was going to be in me! She also always told me that prayers at the consecration, and right after receiving the Eucharist were most powerful. She also suggested I offer up a specific intention for each Communion. I am working on getting this printed as a brochure.
Easy does it on the judgement calls to the parents of young children. I have always taken my children to church, without food, drink or distracting toys. Perhaps the odd time they've had a stuffed toy, and so be it. What I've noticed is the glares and disapproving eyes of those without young children looking over shoulders, when my children may flop around the weekly bulletin, flip thru the song book or become distracted after 45 mins because they are restless. I engage them in what is going on, what is around us, what is expected of them but all under a bead of sweat for fear of being a distruptions.
What I would like to add is that the patience of those in church is as required as the good behaviour of the children and their parents. Lets face it, some of could use a lesson in understanding ourselves. The pastor at my old parish always said there is always room in the House of the Lord for children, perhaps some need to keep that in mind. If my child pulls out a piece of paper to draw a picture pertaining to heaven, church, God etc. how does that distract you from what your doing? Why are your more entitled to being there or why does that allow you the right to pass judgement on my parenting?
The pastor of our church commented during the homily on the "noise" of children during mass. He said it was good that people brought their children to mass.
I would agree.
I would say that there's a difference between normal children "noise" and the "acting up" kind. I've got 4, so children don't really distract me from anything. But I understand what you're saying about people being a little harsh - I had a couple (no kids obviously) who kept turning and giving dirty looks one day when my little one was just fussy. I ended up leaving with him.
But a restless kid is just that - restless. But the kid running east-west from one end of the pew to the other while the mom sits and does nothing? That's lack of discipline there. That's a parent not making a effort.
Well sounds like we're both on the same page.
When it comes to brushing up on proper behaviour, we all have learning to do, not simply young children and their parents. It’s important not to forget where you've come from. Our children have never run east west or north south at church nor have they had a picnic, but we've had our share of annoyed parishioners who had no time for us and we did as you suggested, walked our children outside etc. But if someone expects a 4 year old to sit there as would 14 year or a senior, expectations are unrealistic. And I’m not going to let anyone make me feel like we shouldn't be there, we’re a bother or we’re not making an effort. They should take a deep breath and let the grace of God come down on them, if patience is something they are lacking.
We have to remember that our God is a merciful Lord. We cannot really judge because each individual is called in different ways in different times. But, these folks with children will eventually learn the proper behavior in time. We should not be annoyed and discouraged or hurt. Some of these children, even with this kind of behaviors, might turn out to be a religious or a priest. It is because Jesus came precisely for this kind of people.
The problem with lists like this is that - though obviously well intentioned and well written - the vast majority of so-called "good Catholics" don't read this and look to their own behavior, they use it to judge all the people around them. Instead of sitting closer to the front at Mass and trying to concentrate they look out the corners of their eyes at all the "scandalous" behavior they can see. And then they gossip about it afterwards to their other "good Catholic" friends.
As if ANYTHING we ever did would be adequate or worthy of the gift of God's presence. Good grief, people. When will we stop judging others and rejoice in God together as unworthy sinners and help each other out during the week?! Maybe I should publish a brochure that goes something like "Before you can talk about someone's Mass behavior behind their back, you have to actually MEET that person, introduce yourself, and be a friend to them!"
Jesus shared his meals with, who? Prostitutes and tax collectors. Right.
Dear Anonymous! Thanks for taking the time to visit my blog and read my post. It's too bad you can't meet me and become my friend, because if you did, you might read the post from a different vantage point. I think gossiping behind others backs is a little different from writing a newspaper/blog column. I really do. Both the Felician Sisters and my own mom taught me "how to behave at mass" with the intention of helping me get more out of mass. The entire congregation cannot sit in the front pew. Do you get upset when you see rules of behavoiour posted in a swimmng pool, library, or symphony. I often go to mass at the airport, right next door, there is a Muslim service. You would never see folks celebrating in their service behaving in casual ways... I was simply trying to suggest a degree of civility. I have also seen that same sort of civility lost in school performances among students. It's just sad. It's too bad you have a need to remain anonymous.
Dear Mrs. Treasures! I absolutely agree with you! Our Lord is merciful, kind and compassionate. I completely agree with you, those very souls may very well be heroic saints. Please do know, that it was not my intention to judge, but merely to begin a lively dialogue encouraging all of us to rethink our preparedness for mass. Just a few days ago we were in a baseball tournament... I was hurrying my husband off the field so we could make it to the 7pm mass, which would have meant my son and husband both would have been in baseball uniforms. My husband himself said, "I really do need to change before I go to church." I am sure that God would have loved us if we went to mass with baseball uniforms... Perhaps it would have been an inspiration, not a distraction to others... who knows?! It certainly was not my intention to offennd anyone. I often think that people just don't know that perhaps their behaviour is distracting others.... I know the Vatican has signs up encouraging a modest dress code too. Thanks for reading & commenting, and please do keep me in your prayers!
We actually do have announcements at the beginning of our mass reminding people to silence cell phones, pagers and intermittently have modesty and gum-chewing reminders. I loved and wholeheartedly agreed with most of your statements.
But, I was a little concerned about this one though--Don't bring children's activity bags. There was no age guidelines around this absolute and thought it was pretty broad considering that there was no thought given to children who have Autism, Asperger's, ADHD, mental retardation or other developmental issues that make attending mass quite a challenge to bring along the whole family. How exactly do you propose parents keep those children involved in the mass and "keep control", especially at very young ages before those children are eligible for some medications that assist in controlling some of the impulsive behavior that makes for difficulty in attending mass? I think it's more than acceptable to bring age-appropriate activities that are quiet for the child to be entertained in such as drawing with guidelines that during church we only draw things that remind us of God. This should be done for young children not yet receiving their First Communion, unless there is a permanent problem that will affect their ability to attend mass with the same concentration that most of us are able to have. I am presuming that your post was not intended to pass judgement on parents of these special children to state that they "can't control their children". I personally know some people who have stopped bringing their challenged children (and in some cases themselves) to mass due to those angry and judgemental stares around them. Would you consider adding some additions for these children and possibly mentally challenged adults also?
Here's an interesting article on the same topic. It zero's in on dressing with dignity.
http://www.renewamerica.com/columns/abbott/110820
I wish you would publish that poster. I would help circulate it in our parishes.......we are in need......indeed of this now sooner than later. Bless you.
Hi Dorothy
My name is Dina and I work in literacy. I am also a Catholic who is in love with our faith and religion and who wishes the same for everyone else.
I really like the idea of a brochure, and I wish therefore, to provide my input prior to its publication, at least I hope that is what becomes of it.
I have read all of the comments both positive and negative and I see merit in them all. Many perceive judgment, and this perception is important whether real or not. What struck me immediately throughout the document are the words "Do Not". Have you thought about changing to a positive experience by sharing only what people "should" do. For example, instead of telling people not to be an observer, simply tell them to be a participant and tell them "how" they may achieve this. This would reduce the number of words used, ensure plain language (remember 1 of 4 Canadians are illiterate) and I believe it would remove what can be mistaken as "judgmental".
I shared with you that I work in literacy. I do so because after 25 years I have learned that people generally want to do what is right,but more often than not, they do not know "how" to do what is right. In other words, tell me what it is you want or what I need to do and how I can achieve it and I will most likely deduce for myself, what it is you do not want without you even telling me.
I think if you look again at your brochure you will see that what I am suggesting can be easily applied. Take out the Do Nots and associated negativity and you will see your brochure is already filled with positive thoughts and suggestions. You may just have to beef up the suggestions for people with really young children and you may need to only make one statement that applies to everyone regarding food and drink, chewing gum etc.
These are just some thoughts and I hope you find them helpful. I wasn't sure what all the "comment as" meant on this site so I chose Anonymous to make sure my comments would go through. May God bless you in your endeavours. I think you are on to something very timely and needed.
DOROTHY -- CONGRATULATIONS! IT IS NICE TO HEAR FROM LAY FAITHFUL THEMSELVES ABOUT HOW TO BEHAVE AT MASS. WE NOW TEND TO FORGET IT IS OUR HIGHEST FORM OF WORSHIP AND SHOULD THUS BE RESPECTED AND PARTICIPATED IN WITH OUR WHOLE HEART, OUR WHOLE SOUL. PARTICIPATION AND FOCUS ARE NECESSARY ESPECIALLY AS WE JOIN THE HIGH PRIEST IN THIS EUCHARISTIC SACRIFICE. GOD BLESS YOU!
Thank you Dina for the GREAT suggestions! I have been getting emails daily about blog entry... Some folks are very angry at me, others congratulating me. I have been a little overwhelmed by the extremely different responses to this particular post. I want to reassure everyone that it was not my intent to alienate or offend anyone. My intention was simply to remind everyone (me and my family included) about the importance of reverence during mass.
Sorry to hear that some felt this is a judgmental article. My gut is telling me that Dorothy is simply saying that if we have rules of decorum for the symphony and other such venues, how is it that our rules for holy mass have fallen. It's been quite some time now (around 7 years ago) that while Father was giving his homily I watched a woman open her phone, say "Hello" and proceed to talk! That's not even allowed in a movie theatre but no one said anything to her - perhaps in fear of appearing judgmental. What if wasn't about judging but instead about taking a stand for the holiness of the mass?
Mrs. Pilarski, your article is spot on.
This sort of thing would never happen at the Traditional Latin Mass.
Our parish is the oldest in West Tennessee (1854) and so we get a lot of the downtown tourists. However, I have seen a lot of the parishioners show up for Mass looking like the tourists do - khaki shorts and polo shirts, or sundresses. Now that the weather has gotten cooler, the sundresses are gone, only to be replaced by leggings and T-shirts.... Tacky. I walk about 8 or 9 blocks to Mass, but I wear dresses and long sleeves even in Southern summers, and I cover my head. If I can do it, anyone can - because no one hates the heat and humidity more than I do...
Mrs. Pilarski, this article is spot on. In terms of "taking out all of the DO NOTs," while I am in some agreement, sometimes, that's impossible for the reason that with something like this, one must simply come to the point.
Even while parenting in other areas, we can't always "accentuate the positive" with our children, because a gentle, but firm, "NO" gets to the point a lot faster. "Do not chew gum during Mass; Jesus is present in the Eucharist!" is fine as is.
I find it somewhat disturbing that throughout these comments, there was a lot of "God is a merciful God" to attempt to excuse bad behavior, and to attempt to grab the moral high ground, wherein the word "judgment" as in "judge not, lest ye be judged" is used rather disingenuously-- and dishonestly. Yes, God is indeed merciful and patient. Let us never, ever forget that. But what that means is that there are still standards to which we must adhere; standards that we all fall short of, but where we do our best to get back on track with humble and contrite hearts. When it comes to judging not, we do not judge a person's soul. But we do judge their actions, because they encourage habits that ultimately harm the state of the soul: permissiveness allows us to lose sight of God-- a God who is both merciful and who expects us to keep His commandments; that we should love Him with all of our heart, all of our mind, and all of our strength, and that we should love our neighbor as ourselves.
Again, charity and patience is wanted, and must be exercised at all times. But charity and patience without a love for the truth is false charity. Furthermore, I should also point out that condemning someone else as "judgmental" for pointing out problematic behavior is also in itself judgmental, and is therefore hypocritical.
I wanted to thank you Wendy, thank you Christine and thank you Marian. I am happy that you received the blog entry in the spirit it was intended. I was completely dumbfounded by some of the very VERY nasty personal emails I got in relation to this blog entry and column. Admittedly, I do write in an attempt to get people thinking... I know my style is a bit alienating to some, but I would like everybody to know, I love the Catholic Church, I do my utmost to encourage anyone who attends mass to come more than once. Unfortunately, I am not an 'anything goes' character.... I felt called to write the column. Whenever I do see someone acting inappropriately, I simply bow my head and say to myself, "Dorothy, you have done your part. Just continue to pray...."
Mrs. Pilarski, there is no reason why you, or anyone else, should be the "anything goes" type, because in the Catholic Church, the Body of Christ conformed through the Sacraments to the Cross to the Way, The Truth, and the Life, it is simply not the case that "anything goes."
While it is true that there are as many paths to holiness as there are people, it is also simultaneously true that there are certain non-negotiables. When we assent to Communion in receiving the Eucharist, we explicitly and publicly acknowledge this with our bodies. Catholicism is an "organized religion" precisely because it is organized around Someone very specific; Someone whom we are not free to make or worship in our own image (because how would that be different from self-worship, exactly?).
I think what tends to confuse us moderns is that forgiveness and patience is not saying that something is okay; rather it is charity towards what is unacceptable. There is indeed a better way, and it is not subjective. Rather, it exists extrinsically to ourselves and our feelings, and it is why Christ gave us His Church. That anyone should feel "alienated" or think that what you're saying is "mean" or "divisive" are again trying to grab a moral high ground that is not theirs to grab, which is plain manipulative. When we do this, such a tactic is instead far more indicative of us and our preferences (or as one priest put it, expressing our "hurt consumer feelings"), and how much we treat the Church as something to be consumed, instead of as something that Christ is doing for us, which is a gift to be humbly received. We also tend to make everything All About What We Want. The Mass, properly understood, is what God gives to us. It's about what He wants.
The liturgy and proper behavior at Mass are not inconsequential issues, because they go right to the heart of the nature of right worship is. Orthodoxy and orthopraxis are inseparable: as Catholics, what we pray is what we believe. Also, our lives are busy enough as it is. It is not too much to ask to unplug from a dozen and one gadgets and toys to give God our full attention. We spiritually need the rest, and we need to recharge; and we are able to do this at Mass, because God uses it to draw us into eternity. An attitude towards the Mass that discounts this is counterproductive and actually detracts from our worship.
You are right to do your part and to pray for the person who is behaving badly; in effect to "offer it up," hoping that one day, the person in question will come to love the Mass as much as you do. Perhaps one day, they will listen more attentively than usual, or some realization, big or small, will fall into place, and they will slowly be drawn in. That's in fact how it worked with me. God can and does use anything at all to draw us to Him. And again, it is also true that when somebody behaves badly, we tolerate and forgive that behavior, praying for that person's future enlightenment and holiness. That is far different from saying that such behavior is acceptable or excusable. It is neither.
So please, keep on writing!
What do you think about holding hands at mass during the Our Father?
“When you are before the altar where Christ reposes, you ought think no longer that you are amongst men; but believe that there are troops of angels and archangels standing by you, and trembling with respect before the sovereign Master of Heaven and earth. Therefore, when you are in church, be there in silence, fear and veneration.” – St. John Chrysostom
I'm a Catholic in Rwanda. What you say apply even here where people do not have a wide range of toys/gadgets. Some people "worship" their cell phones in that they just can't bear to switch them off. For me, the far bigger problem and probably the root cause is the fact that most people don't seem to understand or care why they are in the church. You can tell by the way they stare, easily distracted and general absentmindedness. There is also liturgy ignorance, many do not understand the meaning or reason behind many of the rituals. I could go on and on but I believe these "ills" are widespread.
Regarding the comments, I find it surprising that posters choose to take issue with the choice of words rather than the subject matter. Others mention some special cases that we all know are exempted.
Eddie! Thank you for taking the time to comment on my blog entry! I must admit, you got me wondering how you heard about this article? It is the most read piece on my blog. I find myself in awe -- that years after I have written it -- people are still reading it! Where did you hear about this?
This is so very excellent and I am so thankful to read it. I'm really tired of people constantly excusing bad behavior at Mass. Children have to be taught how to behave starting at a young age or it does not become an ingrained habit. Silence, reverence, respect all have to be taught. You don't do any good for children if you allow them to be distracted, play, run around, talk, etc. You are disturbing all those around you and teaching them that Mass is just like going to anything else: you're free to do what you want! That's not alright. Mass is not entertainment. It is not about the individuals & what they want. It's about Jesus. If you go to a king's house you behave with proper respect, dignity, & reverence.
I must admit, I am both humbled and surprised that people are still visiting this blog post well over five years after I have written it. It gets read daily! It has been one of my top ten blog posts from the word get go. Today, I read another article which was similar, but a completely different tone. This writer is probably a lot 'nicer' than I am, so I thought you might enjoy reading it. Thanks to all of you for reading my blog when you have! Here's the article! Enjoy! http://americamagazine.org/issue/suffering-children
I was very happy that you have this website to teach us children to behave in the mass
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