My father died suddenly, unexpectedly while he was vacationing in his homeland on this very day. At the time of his death, he was at the place of his birth, an obsure small town in Poland called Wielun. I was born there too.
I am not sure why I am sitting here sobbing -- afterall I am over 50 years old and it happened 27 years ago. I guess death can take someone out of your life -- but it can't take the love you have for the person out of your heart. I loved my father very much, despite his death, to this very day I miss him very much. His life, his death have had a dramatic impact on who I have become, and I pray that one day I may be able to hug him once again.
Having some you love die suddenly and unexpected is both a cross and a blessing. On the one hand you are left with the realization that there are certain things that you have said that you wish you hadn't. I learned the hard way, that at times your last words can have a lasting impact. I also learned that no matter how hard you try, you can't control somebody -- so you might as well accept them exactly where they are. And do it with love. For some very good reasons -- I didn't want my father to go to Poland that particular year -- but something pulled him to this providential trip that changed so many lives forever.
We have all heard the maxim that often we don't appreciate what we have until it's gone, and this is particularly true when one reflects on the impact that our parents have when they are parenting us with a devout fervent Faith and an unshakable love. My dad was somewhat a maveric -- travelling to Canada with a family of six, into the unknown, to a country that introduced him to not only a foreign language, but many foreign customs and traditions which often alienated him. He couldn't understand why young adults had a need to move out of the house and become independant. He didn't understand why so many people were afraid of marriage, of having children, of being obedient to the Catholic Churches teachings. He didn't understand why different generations of family members didn't want to live together. My father was an immigrant and he worked hard in Canada. He was an entrepreneur, a musician, a butcher, a factory worker, a church organist, a choir member but most of all a dispenser of joy.
He was a lover of Mary, a lover of Christ.
His sudden death taught me many things; to value each and every moment, to live in a state of preparedness -- you really do not know the day you will meet your Maker, so it's always important to be prepared. Procrastination is also something I don't tolerate very well -- If something needs to be done, or an opportunity presents itself, I have always been very determined to do it or take it -- because the moment may pass, the opportunity may be gone and there may be things left undone. His sudden death taught me that life really is very precious and at times, I think I have exhausted myself trying to live my life to the fullest. His sudden death also taught me that not all dreams come true.
I was automatically attracted to a book written by St. Alphonsus De Liguroi called Preparation for Death, the reflections, the prayers and the sentiments in this book have called me to a deeper reality, one that quite appropriately, my parents have continually called me to remember -- our lives here on earth are merely a preparation for what lies ahead. As many saints have aptly put it -- each choice that we make takes us in one of two directions. At this stage in my life I hope and pray that I enter into each moment with a reverence, acceptance and obedience to His will in my life.
I have found that while I haven't always immediately understood the crosses that have been sent to me -- with some distance and prayer, I have eventually seen that each cross has shaped my life in ways that I could have never orchestrated on my own. Each cross, as in my father's sudden and unexpected death -- held a precious and supernatural gift.
1 comment:
Awesome post! thank you for sharing this...
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